Neria Damen was overwhelmed. Neria felt, in the moment, almost numb to her own pain when she'd held it for so long. But something simmered over the old scars, a fresh burn of guilt that she'd said anything at all, and when he bent his head to her shoulder, Neria wrapped her arms around him and held him close.
"I did not tell you this to hurt you, though I...I knew it would. That part was inevitable. I told you this not so that I was no longer carrying this alone, Damen, but--" How could she make it clear? Her fingers combed through the hairs at the back of his head. A sigh escaped her. "You want to be my partner. And-- And for that, I need to be honest with you. I need to share with you. And for you to find out later, should you be present when it comes to claim me, would be so much worse." She refused to let him see; when the Calling came to claim her, she knew she wanted to be far from him to spare him the grotesqueness of it.
Neria tipped her head against his. She closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. She knew this would never be ideal, knew that it hurt him. And some part of her still doubted, still felt he was being too kind to bind himself to a dead woman. Her lips brushed his head. "I will understand if it is too much," she said again, hoping he understood that he could just as easily let go and walk away. She would not hate him for it.
Damen He understood. He would have that same wish, were there anything left to share with her. But she knew all that he was, now. He remembered that night so long ago, when he had begged to learn more of her, tucked away in the upstairs bedroom of the manse. Damen knew why she had not told him then. He even understood why she had kept it within her all this time, and why it mattered to tell him now. There was simply a difference between understanding and...acceptance? Resignation? Dare he hope, peace?
"I don't know what to say," he admitted honestly, as he turned his face to kiss her hair. Maybe he didn't have to say anything. He slipped his hand around the side of her head, cradling it gently in his palm, holding her close. "Only that - it's not too much." Against her lips, his jaw tightened. Damen was often the lion; today, he was the bull, digging in his heels. He just needed a place to charge at. But he would always, always be here with her until the moment she left him.
A long, deliberate exhale, on a white puffy cloud around her hair. "Thinking to the future is a luxury I can ill afford these days anyways. I won't let it dampen what joy we may find here." Damen drew himself up to look her in the eye. If he'd been overwhelmed, it had been a temporary state. The mantle was back on his shoulders, the one he would have to bear some day as King. Even devastating news could not break him. Gently, he tangled his fingers in dark curls. "Don't be sorry for my sake. It doesn't change anything but a future that's always been uncertain."
Neria "There isn't much to say," she admitted, brushing his hair back again, wishing she had kinder words. Wishing she could have told him anything but this. She did not think he was being particularly truthful, that it was more than was acceptable. His fingers found their place in her hair, his eyes on hers. Neria lifted her hands to cup his face, thumbs brushing over the high curves of his cheeks.
"I am sorry because you are hurting," she told him, firmly, the sorrow briefly tugged away so she could keep her gaze level. "Because I love you and I have placed something unsightly at your feet and asked you to take it. Damen... Wardens do not often love others outside of the Order for this reason: because loving others for such a short time brings nothing but pain. I do not want you to suffer through that." Her hand curved over his jaw and she leaned forward, bumping his nose with her own.
"But this is your choice, too. And if it is your choice to stay with me..." It hit her very suddenly, the finality of it. Damen was going to stay. Her fingers briefly trembled. She gripped the side of his face as she pulled herself closer. "Then everything I have, everything I am...is yours, Damen."
He didn't need kind words. Gestures would always speak louder to Damen, and her touches had not diminished in kindness. If anything, they'd only grown more so this afternoon.
If he was quiet as she proclaimed in the same breath that she loved him and could offer him nothing but pain, it was only because his heart and mind struggled to comprehend how her love could be anything but a thing of joy to him. Even the knowledge that he would someday lose her...death would come for them all, sooner or later. He would rather have her by his side until that day came for either of them.
These things he would tell her, perhaps, in time. But for now, Damen stared down into her eyes and saw the conviction in them, the rawness of her love, the tinge of awe in her declaration. "That is all I have ever asked," he murmured, and his arms closed around her. "To share what time we have left together." They had never had a guarantee of the future. If hers was darker than he had realized, the knowledge did not alter the months or years they had left ahead of them, not unless they allowed it to. The fierce embrace left Neria clutched against his heart, where it beat strong and true for her. "To be my own, and I yours." He could not ask for a lifetime; just all of her that she had to give.
It was all he had asked of her, it was true. To her, it was both the most insignificant thing and the most valuable. Damen's heart was so precious to her and yet...she felt her own could not possibly compare, too weak and fragile to compare. Damen could eclipse her so easily. And as he enveloped her in his embrace, she knew it so intimately.
The difference now was that Neria wanted so terribly to try to be enough for him - because Damen wanted her heart and she wanted his.
She rested against him a moment, soaking in his presence. Neria's exhale was a quiet thing but the last ounce of tension finally unwound from her, safe in his arms. No promises but to live in the moment. That was enough. Neria reached up to embrace him as well, her face briefly tucked against him. "To share every day with you that I can, no matter how long we have. To be yours, as you are mine." She tilted her head up and kissed his jaw. And from here, she tilted herself so she could tug him to her, to kiss him truly, to seal this promise with a most intimate gesture of her love for him, their chests pressed close, hearts thundering together.
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Neria
Neria
Damen was overwhelmed. Neria felt, in the moment, almost numb to her own pain when she'd held it for so long. But something simmered over the old scars, a fresh burn of guilt that she'd said anything at all, and when he bent his head to her shoulder, Neria wrapped her arms around him and held him close.
"I did not tell you this to hurt you, though I...I knew it would. That part was inevitable. I told you this not so that I was no longer carrying this alone, Damen, but--" How could she make it clear? Her fingers combed through the hairs at the back of his head. A sigh escaped her. "You want to be my partner. And-- And for that, I need to be honest with you. I need to share with you. And for you to find out later, should you be present when it comes to claim me, would be so much worse." She refused to let him see; when the Calling came to claim her, she knew she wanted to be far from him to spare him the grotesqueness of it.
Neria tipped her head against his. She closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. She knew this would never be ideal, knew that it hurt him. And some part of her still doubted, still felt he was being too kind to bind himself to a dead woman. Her lips brushed his head. "I will understand if it is too much," she said again, hoping he understood that he could just as easily let go and walk away. She would not hate him for it.
Damen
He understood. He would have that same wish, were there anything left to share with her. But she knew all that he was, now. He remembered that night so long ago, when he had begged to learn more of her, tucked away in the upstairs bedroom of the manse. Damen knew why she had not told him then. He even understood why she had kept it within her all this time, and why it mattered to tell him now. There was simply a difference between understanding and...acceptance? Resignation? Dare he hope, peace?
"I don't know what to say," he admitted honestly, as he turned his face to kiss her hair. Maybe he didn't have to say anything. He slipped his hand around the side of her head, cradling it gently in his palm, holding her close. "Only that - it's not too much." Against her lips, his jaw tightened. Damen was often the lion; today, he was the bull, digging in his heels. He just needed a place to charge at. But he would always, always be here with her until the moment she left him.
A long, deliberate exhale, on a white puffy cloud around her hair. "Thinking to the future is a luxury I can ill afford these days anyways. I won't let it dampen what joy we may find here." Damen drew himself up to look her in the eye. If he'd been overwhelmed, it had been a temporary state. The mantle was back on his shoulders, the one he would have to bear some day as King. Even devastating news could not break him. Gently, he tangled his fingers in dark curls. "Don't be sorry for my sake. It doesn't change anything but a future that's always been uncertain."
Neria
"There isn't much to say," she admitted, brushing his hair back again, wishing she had kinder words. Wishing she could have told him anything but this. She did not think he was being particularly truthful, that it was more than was acceptable. His fingers found their place in her hair, his eyes on hers. Neria lifted her hands to cup his face, thumbs brushing over the high curves of his cheeks.
"I am sorry because you are hurting," she told him, firmly, the sorrow briefly tugged away so she could keep her gaze level. "Because I love you and I have placed something unsightly at your feet and asked you to take it. Damen... Wardens do not often love others outside of the Order for this reason: because loving others for such a short time brings nothing but pain. I do not want you to suffer through that." Her hand curved over his jaw and she leaned forward, bumping his nose with her own.
"But this is your choice, too. And if it is your choice to stay with me..." It hit her very suddenly, the finality of it. Damen was going to stay. Her fingers briefly trembled. She gripped the side of his face as she pulled herself closer. "Then everything I have, everything I am...is yours, Damen."
no subject
He didn't need kind words. Gestures would always speak louder to Damen, and her touches had not diminished in kindness. If anything, they'd only grown more so this afternoon.
If he was quiet as she proclaimed in the same breath that she loved him and could offer him nothing but pain, it was only because his heart and mind struggled to comprehend how her love could be anything but a thing of joy to him. Even the knowledge that he would someday lose her...death would come for them all, sooner or later. He would rather have her by his side until that day came for either of them.
These things he would tell her, perhaps, in time. But for now, Damen stared down into her eyes and saw the conviction in them, the rawness of her love, the tinge of awe in her declaration. "That is all I have ever asked," he murmured, and his arms closed around her. "To share what time we have left together." They had never had a guarantee of the future. If hers was darker than he had realized, the knowledge did not alter the months or years they had left ahead of them, not unless they allowed it to. The fierce embrace left Neria clutched against his heart, where it beat strong and true for her. "To be my own, and I yours." He could not ask for a lifetime; just all of her that she had to give.
no subject
The difference now was that Neria wanted so terribly to try to be enough for him - because Damen wanted her heart and she wanted his.
She rested against him a moment, soaking in his presence. Neria's exhale was a quiet thing but the last ounce of tension finally unwound from her, safe in his arms. No promises but to live in the moment. That was enough. Neria reached up to embrace him as well, her face briefly tucked against him. "To share every day with you that I can, no matter how long we have. To be yours, as you are mine." She tilted her head up and kissed his jaw. And from here, she tilted herself so she could tug him to her, to kiss him truly, to seal this promise with a most intimate gesture of her love for him, their chests pressed close, hearts thundering together.